Toxicity

I can't decide what to do about unsentletters.

My plan had been, once I got everything from the trip the other week out of my system, I would go back to my rule of only posting letters if I've had some kind of significant encounter with her. The policy, I think, has been working well for me. But, I dunno. Unsent is getting… not fantastic.

The place has always had its questionable aspects. I think you can't really have such an emotionally charged place, people baring their hearts in sometimes absurd displays of vulnerability… without having to deal with some level of toxicity. There will always be cases of mistaken identity, or something hitting someone too close to home, or whatever. There will always be people senselessly looking for their people there — I know, I've been one of them.

I'll just say, I do not envy the moderators. It must be one of the most difficult subreddits to administer.

But… well, maybe I've just lucked out. Maybe this has been affecting others for a long time, and I just hadn't seen it as much… but I feel like, in recent months, it has become less and less of a safe place to let our hearts bleed. In particular, it seems that Rule #3: Judging Posters and Posts, is ignored more and more often. Especially with folks in situations similar to mine (or that could just be the Baader Meinhof phenomenon in action, 🤷‍♂️). Similar with Rule #4: No insulting or derogatory comments. And Rule #5 says that we should report infractions.

But, what happens when you do?

🤷‍♂️ Nothing, so far as I can tell.

Again, I dunno. Maybe this stuff has been happening all along and I've just been lucking out. But, it's feeling increasingly toxic in there.

Over the weekend, I had my first instance of someone crossing over the line from just being a dick to clear harassment. Multiple comments on multiple posts, across both unsentletters and my profile. It was (surprisingly, really) the first time I've felt compelled to hit that “report” button. I'd like to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He's clearly going through some shit, but it has nothing to do with me. And I don't want his BS attached to my posts, and his behavior wasn't acceptable under any circumstances anyways.

For comments on my profile posts, I reported it as harassment. Perhaps it would have been better to pick the “this redditor needs help” option, but I can't change the past so 🤷‍♂️. For the ones in unsentletters, I specified that he was breaking rule #3. In the end, they did all get removed, so that's good at least.

But, a few hours later, I found that I had been temporarily banned from unsentletters. I'll admit, the reason given made me laugh out loud… it was a genuinely funny note, whether it was intended to be or not. The only problem is, it doesn't relate to any of the rules of either reddit or unsentletters.

I don't actually care all that much that I got banned. I was done posting letters for the time anyways. It did bother me that I was unable to give someone a reward for a letter I very much enjoyed, but 🤷‍♂️. NBD.

But it did reinforce this feeling I've been getting that the community is changing, in a way that I don't care for very much at all.

Some folks find themselves in nearly impossible situations. And try to find what little ways they can to manage it. For a few of us, that turns out to be writing about it. And there should be a safe place to share those writings with like-minded (or like-situationed) people. And unsentletters used to kinda-sorta be that place. Imperfect, but workable.

But, if the response to reporting somebody for blatantly breaking the rules of the community (not to mention reddit itself) is to get banned for… 🤷‍♂️. Well. That's not safe, not safe at all.

Meanwhile, there was a very lovely letter posted yesterday with some very nasty comments attached to it. Clear violations of both rules #3 & #4. I reported them. They're still there. 🤷‍♂️ That letter's OP is clearly already dealing with enough shit in their real life. They shouldn't have to put up with that crap on reddit. But the comments are still there.

So, I dunno. Like I said above, I don't envy the mods of that community. I am absolutely certain it's hard. But… I was already considering taking a step away for other reasons. Yeah. I dunno.

But when I do see her, and I feel compelled to write about it… where else am I going to get such kindness and support? Because, really… that's what the community has usually been for me. Which is why it's been so difficult to leave in the past. Well. I'll figure it out, lol.

I always do.